As the election loomed closer, Donny Whopperseed, the Wicked Wizard of the NitWits, cultivated the soil for his just-in-case crop of perfidious fruit. All who partook of the fruit eventually were required to cover up with fig leaves of titanic tommyrot, sniveling snow jobs, malignant malarkey, Hindenburgish humbug, craven claptrap, flagrant flapdoodle, gastrointestinal gaslighting, and toxic-transmissible-terminal trumpery.
As for Whopperseed, he had been weaned on the pureed version of the fruit and was already buried in so many fig leaves they needed industrial vacuums to extricate him, so he could present himself at the debates in his sin-striped suit of desiccating foliole.
Come November, his perfidious fruit was ripe for the picking. The F-word was at the tip of the tongue in every mouth in every head sporting a red MAGA hat. The F-word that had been drummed into those heads in every tweet and at every rally. The F-word more profane in its mendacious application than the F-word that made the prim and proper clutch their pearls.
Within a millisecond of his opponent prevailing, Whopperseed let the hogs out - those being the aforementioned phalanx of perfidious fruit ingestors who (unlike the contractors he had made a habit of stiffing) had no choice but to line up with antiemetics to protect their prior cognitive ingestment, belching the F-word out in a chorus:
FRAUD!
But before their tongues had touched their upper palate to execute the final consonant, a light bulb appeared above their pointy heads, an idea spawned in the lizard brain and refined in the Machiavellian chamber of the prefrontal cortex. A way to add pretext to perjury.
While the pesky pandemic had forced them to make voting easier, it was time to right that wrong in the name of Something, Something, and the American Way. We had to protect our institution of voting! Not from the half dozen known individuals who had fraudulently voted for trump twice. (Those were patriots.) From socialists! Socialists who can be identified by last names like Jackson, Lincoln, and Washington. Their slogan became PURGE, PREVENT, and PREVARICATE! The excuse: FRAUD!
FRAUD! FRAUD!
That's our game!
If you can't see it,
Your eyes are lame!
F - R - A - U - D !
That's the deed
Only we can see!
FRAUD! FRAUD!
One, two three
Keep your eyes and ears
On me!
"The Big Lie" doesn't seem to express the magnitude of this mass delusion. Maybe it brings to mind, subliminally, the Big Lebowski who was a lay-back kind of fellow. I'm thinking more along the lines of DUPEZILLA.
TODAY'S QUIZ
Which of the trees below is an apple tree.
