MTG cites the number of deaths after receiving the COVID vaccine as 5,946 (hoping you'll assume it's because of the vaccine vs white supremacist rampages).
I have some open-to-interpretation Life & Death stats for her crafty ass:
The risk of a heart attack is about 20% greater on Mondays for adult men, and 15% greater for adult women. That means ---
a) men shouldn't place bets on Sunday football games
b) both men and women should stay in bed on Mondays, but no sex
c) it's Monday's fault - remove it from the calendar
d) 35% of heart attacks are brought on by the difference between the sexes
e) men should get to keep the aspirin bottle on their side of the bed
More than 7000 people die annually due to the doctor's bad handwriting. That means --
a) people with bad handwriting shouldn't become doctors
b) you should get a second opinion at the pharmacy
c) nurses should ignore what's on the chart
d) doctors shouldn't bother writing treatment instructions
e) all medical communication should be in sign language
Left-handed people die three years earlier than right-handed people. That means --
a) if you're a lefty, you should marry someone three years older than you
b) if you're a lefty, you should force yourself to be a righty
c) left-handed people should get to retire three years earlier
d) right-handed people should rule the world
e) left-handed people will get LEFT behind (get it? Left?)
Of the 21 states with the highest suicide rates, 18 are RED states. That means --
a) being surrounded by trumpers fills you with despair
b) the lack of regulation deprives you of legs and lungs
c) the stingy Republicans withhold safety net services
d) you're still in jail for jaywalking while Black
e) all of the above
TODAY'S QUIZ
Which of the pictures below best depicts MTG's statement?
