TMPG (The MyPillow Guy) has proclaimed that TFG will be reinstated in August. Sounds crazy, but there is substantial precedent for this:
⦁ We thought Elvis was dead, but there have been numerous sightings of him over the years. He's actually performed several times in Vegas.
⦁ Big Foot has been both photographed and interviewed (by Flo from Progressive).
⦁ And in 1938, Martians landed at Grovers Mill, New Jersey. I know, because I lived there. It was before I was born, but people talked about it and it was reported on radio broadcasts. So it must be true.
⦁ And for this there's tape - forecasted hurricanes have actually happened. Of course, those who predicted them were meteorologists with expertise.
But when you think about it, TMPG has his own area of expertise - feathers. Well, actually, polyurethane shredded foam, but let's not quibble. For the sake of TJAW (Truth, Justice, and the American Way) and EL (Escher Logic), let's imagine it's feathers inside. Not goose feathers, not chicken feathers, but horse feathers. The kind of feathers you rip off the wings of flying unicorns.
So if there are feathers from the wings of flying unicorns, that means unicorns really exist! And if unicorns exist, then pigs can fly, and TFG can become TRG (The Reinstated Guy).
There are other avenues, less Disneyesque:
⦁ The whole country, except him, could be swallowed by a giant sinkhole.
⦁ The Martians could land again and strike a bargain with Putin.
⦁ Or, RWWS (Right Wing White Supremacists) could call up their unregulated militia and ... but that's never happened before.
TODAY'S QUIZ
Which of the photos below depicts Grovers Mill, NJ - the site of the Martian landing in 1938?
