A doctor friend of mine called me last night. Here is how the conversation went:
Doc, you sound tired.
Tell me about it.
Well, your voice is low and --
I can't take another minute of this! We admitted 97 patients with severe lacerations from sharp metal objects flying at them.
Ah, the magnetism thing.
From the vaccinations, yeah. One guy had both feet stuck in a lawn mower.
Brutal.
And all the patients keep getting stuck to each other. Well, not to each other but collectively to the same large metal object.
So they're not practicing metal distancing.
And I'm not immune. I have a clip on my shoulder and a brace up my sleeve.
If only it affected our personalities instead.
I've got scalpels stuck to all my fingers, so I can't ... you know.
Masturbate?
No! The Charmin thing.
Ah, I wish there were something I could do to help but I've got a toaster stuck to my nose that interferes with my vision.
Toaster or not, don't go anywhere near your car.
What car? It got stuck to a meter maid three days ago, and I haven't seen it since.
Stay away from low flying planes.
Or I'll be jet behind the ears?
And jazz clubs.
Yeah, I'd end up with a horn in my side.
They've got to do something! All the computers have gone haywire. If they keep vaccinating people the poles will reverse.
If only people had drunk bleach instead. I'm afraid the moon is going to come crashing into us.
I don't think that's possible.
It is if we say it is.
TODAY'S QUIZ
Which of the following should you avoid if you are suffering from the Magnetic Attachment side effect:
