One Man's Need Is Another Man's Price Gouging

THE REVANPUBLICAL BIBLE: Chapter One

From the Gospel according to Mitch

The preacher had 5000 followers but wanted more.

An aide came to him and said, "Your followers are hungry."

The preacher raised his eyebrows. "Can't they just go to their fridges and --"

The aide shook his head, "They're here. Not at home. Actually here."

"Well, that's a little scary." He paused and added with a gleam in his eye," Maybe not." Tapping his chin, "This could work for us."

"What about feeding them?"

"Didn't they bring their own snacks?""

"No, should we order pizza?" 

"For 5000? They will all want different toppings and then argue about how much they have to pay!"

"You want them to pay for it?"

"Of course! We've got to manage expectations. Give 'em free food once, and what will they want next? Free advice?"

"They're starting to leave, you're down to 4,831 ... "

"Do something!"

"Well, there's a kid with five loaves and two fishes. Maybe if they share --"

"NO! NO SHARING!"

"You're down another --"

"Wait! Here's the plan. Bring me the loaves and fishes and I will sell them to the highest bidder."

"He could do that himself."

"He doesn't have the platform. I do. But I'll give him a cut if he promises to get me more followers."

"But the only one you'll be feeding is the rich guy."

"Yeah, it's called the Free Market. Survival of the Vicious.  Stick with me, kid. You'll learn a lot."

The aide nodded and checked his watch. "We're going to be late for church."

"Not to worry, it doesn't close until 4:00. Make sure you sell your fish futures."